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British people are motivated to get out of bed in the morning to see what the weather is doing and plan things to say about it because British weather is the most interesting weather in the world.

Weather of any kind always causes chaos. Local and National services are never prepared to deal with it, because it would spoil everyone’s fun.

Rain usually leads to floods because nobody has built proper river defences. This ensures we can all enjoy the sight of people visiting their post office in boats or wading through swamps in their living room.

A fortnight of summer leads to a hose pipe ban so we can sneak on our neighbours when they use a sprinkler on their croquet lawn or potted geraniums. Global warming has encouraged cafés to put chairs and tables outside so we can feel continental while we eat. Unfortunately the food is still crap.

Buildings are not air conditioned but rely on rotating fans to ensure that people keep moving them to the wrong place, ensuring other people sweat like pigs.

In Autumn, trains are delayed by leaves falling onto the line. Nobody wants trees cut back to avoid this because (a)Nobody would have any excuse to be late for work. (b)scientists trying to invent railway tracks that repel leaves would be redundant (c)‘Leaves on the line’ must be the most feeble excuse in the world and we are secretly proud of it.

When the snow arrives (in a remote village in Scotland) pictures of Mr Jones and family abandoning their car are beamed around Britain. We all believe it is just up the road and coming our way. Trains are cancelled, roads are impassible and schools close. This is because railway workers, traffic police and teachers also want to join in as we empty supermarket shelves and stay at home feeling like we are in an old fashioned film - great fun.

When none of the above is happening we wait in the drizzly grey nothingness discussing weather, and hoping that some is on its way.