The first few mouthfuls of fish and Chips out of paper on a sunny beach, are divine. No fancy restaurant in the world compares with looking at the sea pounding on pebbles with the cry of seagulls and the salty smell of sea air and chips.

Five mouthfuls on and it feels like a great boulder is lodged in your stomach, while your grease lined mouth means that the fish and chips are sliding down like kids on a swimming pool chute, so you eat more and faster than you intended.

Gulls start swooping and landing closer and closer until they are eyeing you menacingly and pecking your ankles. You chuck bits of fish and chips as far away as possible to try to get them to leave you alone.

Passing holidaymakers mutter darkly about the stupidity of feeding the gulls, while said gulls call all their mates. who stalk you as you hurry to the nearest litter bin and throw the rest away. Gulls scream to each other and start fighting and you walk away wishing you had never bothered in the first place.