It used to be Eastbourne, closely followed by Worthing, that had the reputation for being heavily populated with elderly people, though many of them seem to be suffering from some kind of delusional dementia as they sit in deck chairs along the prom in the rain, wind or snow congratulating each other that they are living on the sunshine coast.

As life expectancy increases in the Western world, Britain itself seems to be heaving with elderly people who are no longer confined to their usual habitats ; community centres, bingo halls, churches, bus stops and the Co-op, but can be found in internet fogeying at libraries, or in gyms, pubs and even nightclubs.

In supermarkets they lurk around using their newly acquired mobile phones like the geriatric mafia.
‘Im in front of the baked beans.’
‘Good work Mavis.’
‘What shall I do now?’
‘Select the cheapest brand, place it in your basket and proceed to aisle F, pet food.’
‘Roger.’
‘….Who’s Roger?’

Despite all their life and business experience, the only jobs that they get are in budget or DIY stores where they are not even excused from wearing the grimly coloured uniforms or round fat cheesy name badges.

What next? Maybe they could swim around a pool at theme parks and have a hook on the back of their costumes so kids can ‘grab a gran.’ The chubby ones could be used as door stops and the skinny ones could lie along the gap at the bottom of doors, as draught excluders.