I took my dog out for his final walk last night. Normally we walk at the back of the castle on the marshland and country spreading across to the beach where he can do his business and it does not need clearing up anymore than the sheep poo or cow pats do. But at night we just walk five minutes up the road, often past the pond and on this particular night he decided to do it on the grass verge.

‘Great!’ i thought fishing in my pockets for doggy bag. I hate clearing poo and always feel embarrassed at being seen handling and clearing the stuff. Suddenly I saw a man, just across the street, standing motionless and staring at us. I waited for him to go as I wasn’t about to bend down and get a cosh on the head or something.

We had a strange stand-off as I stood with the Heek, waiting for him to get lost so I could clear up the mess and go, and he stared so that I started getting a prickle of unease rippling up my back as he just continued, standing there .

Then he spoke “I’m waiting to see if you’re going to clear it up.”

“Well would you mind going so I can get on with it?” I asked, thinking ‘officious plonker!’

“I’ll wait,” he said continuing to stare.

“I’m not going to do it with you there. It’s dark, i’m a lone woman albeit with dog,and you are a man just staring at me, so please go.” I asked.

He got into a car a few yards away. This was even more scary as I hadn’t heard him get out of any car so he must have done it quite quietly. Then instead of driving off he sat in the car. It was only a few yards from us. Did I tie H up and clear up, risking the fact he was a nutter and would take advantage of my tethered dog to get out of his car and approach me? Did I try to clear up holding H, risking bending down but knowing H would see him approach (but H is only a little dog so not a great deterrent. He’d bark like crazy but British apathy may not respond to a barking dog and a lone woman’s scream?) Or was I being completely paranoid and was he just a local nerd who fancied himself as the local by-law enforcement officer?

Fortunately he drove off, and I went to tether H and get on with it.

Unfortunately, as I went back with doggy bag the car had done a loop and drove slowly past again, really freaking me out so I rushed over to untether H. As I was panicking it became tangled and much harder than it should have been.

Fortunately the car continued on its way.

Unfortunately by the time I had untethered H, and gone back to where I thought the offending mess was, I couldn’t find it.

Picture strange woman and dog walking along in the dark, peering at grass verge while looking fearfully over shoulder, every few minutes.

So all you guys, please be sensitive to the fact that you may seem to be a threat if you stand and stare, or follow a woman or even walk behind her at night even if you really are just a wierd nerdy plonker.

BT and certain other companies seem to think that they can do what they like. This happened to me too so I cancelled my direct debit and paid the bill when it came. One day i went to use the phone and was put through to an automated message telling me my service was limited as I had not paid the last bill.

I had paid my bill, but trying to phone through to a human when the automated message kept kicking in was murder. Obviously my internet connection was also mucked up so I couldn’t email or go on to their website, another piece of useless advice from the voice of the robot.

Finally when I did get through and told them that I had not received a bill but as there was a postal strike they might have taken this into account before being so high handed. I was spitting nails as I rely on my phone for incoming business.

They did apologise and restored it within the day but I told them they had no right to withdraw a service without any prior warning - it could cause huge misery if they did it to somebody old or vulnerable.

I could go on seethe seethe.. but i think i’ll just trawl the net and find a better, less autocratic call provider.

Wishing you all a very very happy Christmas, with oodles of all you wish for yourself:-

Relatives who like each other and don’t fall out on Christmas Day.

Children who wait until after six, to start shrieking in delight, unwrapping presents and thrusting their new singing dancing bear in bed with you.

A turkey that defrosts and cooks in time.

At least a couple of programmes that you really want to watch, get to watch in peace, and which turn out to be as good as the the TV magazine promised.

No monstrous creations you have to wear on the day such as an outsize knitted patchwork jumper from your ancient gran because it may be the last thing she knits and the last Christmas she has the pleasure of seeing it worn.

Presents you really want; food or booze if relatives can’t run to the latest laptop, a giant flat screen tv or a holiday to the Seychelles.

Being allowed to snooze after the meal rather than being forced join a jolly, embarrasing Christmas walk with all your strange relatives through the streets where everyone knows you.

Nooky at some point (but not when relatives are likely to stagger in shouting ‘let’s play charades!’)

Superstores are heaving with people stocking up for a six month siege. They are only closed for one day.

People who don’t see each other from one year to the next send each other cards telling each other they are thinking of them despite the fact they will then ignore them for another year.

Some people get masses of cards and yet spend Christmas alone.

People who normally don’t come anywhere near you, suddenly want to kiss you.

Everyone gets excited about presents despite knowing that 80% will not be anything they would choose or use.

People secretly enjoy letting their hair down and showing their true colours at office parties, but then they go too far and end up doing something so embarrassing and humiliating it is the talk of the company until next time. But nobody learns from this because somebody does it all over again at the next one.

It is perfectly acceptable to start drinking at breakfast time and carry on all day despite the fact that at any other time anyone doing this would be considered to have a serious alcohol problem.

There is always a tinge of anticipation on pulling a cracker even when you are ninety and have heard every cheesy joke, worn every coloured hat and seen every silly present possible.

Artificial trees exist and people actually buy and decorate them as though they could possibly emulate the real thing.

People who don’t believe in God, go to church and worship Him and feel virtuous about it, even though they may as well be singing and praying to a brick .

I saw a post entitled 10 Things I Hate About You (England) and I agree with it all, especially the bit about the NHS. I live just outside Eastbourne. Months of campaigns to stop the reduction of the maternity unit have just failed. Emergency labours will now be rushed to Hastings….half an hour away on a good day.
Another for your list….nobody listens anymore. What the majority of the people want does not count. We are turning into a dictatorship.

I can understand how staff might feel silly being forced to dress up and get in the ‘festive mood’ by dressing as fairies, elves and Santas, especially if they don’t feel like entering into the spirit of things, (see sub-standard Santas) but if they act in a nasty unhelpful, unChristmassy mood that doesn’t suit their costume it brings everybody down, better they wear the usual ugly store uniform and be done with it.

My only New Years resolution (only I call it action because resolution is always something in your head rather than something carried out) is to stop going to shops.  I’m going to shop monthly online and get all the basics delivered. Order an organic local box each week and find a milkman. If I need clothes i’ll buy shoes and undies from catalogues. The only shops i’ll go to are charity shops or boot fairs for clothes. I dont want to look back on my life and find I spent any more time than necessary in great ugly concrete, earth munching, consumer creating, greed encouraging, empires when I could be looking at the sea, standing in fields full of buttercups, writing a book, composing a song…who knows?
The milk and organic box may be more expensive but I’ll save by avoiding the distractions of displays, sales and bargains and the most precious thing of all, time!

A great video which I hope might serve as a gentle reminder to feed the birds in your garden as the temperature plummets, (and maybe as a deterrent to feeding gulls and pigeons!)

Too many grottos, fetes and stores have a Saggy Santa in a cheap costume with a beard that looks like somebody has stuck on a piece of cotton wool

When my children were young enough to believe in him I knew they wouldn’t be fooled by these fake Santas and always told them that the real one was busy in Lapland and these were just helpers, standing in for him while he got the gifts made and the reindeer ready for their epic journey.

Still a sub standard Santa takes away some of the Christmas magic. Those wishing to work as Santa over the Christmas season should have a special Santa license which can only be obtained by passing the following criteria.

• Rosy cheeks.
• Pleasantly plump and cuddly with a round fat belly.
• A real white beard and moustache or a realistic one that suits the wearers face.
• Twinkly eyes.
• Laughter lines (showing a cheerful nature.)
• A deep resounding ‘ho ho ho.’

Costumes provided by the management should be thick, and cosy and NOT cheap
brushed nylon efforts.

Instant failure will result, and working Santas will lose their license for the following:-

• Stinking of alcohol or tobacco.
• Moaning or acting moody or miserable in any way.
• A mouth that habitually turns downwards.
• Thin or lanky body.
• Reedy or weedy voice.
• Bony lap.
• Half hearted ‘ho ho ho.’

The problem with politics today - Gordon Brown, Mr Bean and the Emporer’s New Clothes..we need a big enough voice so that everyone wakes up and realises what is gong onl….a complete and utter comedy of errors.