I went to the supermarket this morning and was shocked to find that there is a national food shortage.
Appearances are deceptive because the shelves, freezers and refrigerators seem to be heaving with delights especially created for the Christmas period, such as the ‘Extra Special’ ranges, birds within birds or liver pate with cranberry and orange.

Obviously they have been laden with the last of the food because hoards of people are squashed into every aisle, piling their trolleys up so that they survive the forthcoming famine.

People who currently roll in to the stores well insulated with extra flesh, against the winter frosts are stocking up to ensure that they will be one of the survivors.

Exactly when the stocks will run out, is slightly unclear but from the heaving rush of people it cannot be far away.

Not only are people stocking up with foods but they are elbowing others out of the way to grasp bargains that have ten pence knocked off.

Manic Christmas music is played continuously on an endless loop which is designed to calm people down but which in actual fact adds to the general panic.

Drivers who have filled their cars with provisions try to escape as fast as possible before they get waylaid and mugged by the starving. This is leading to frequent cases of car park rage.

Still it will soon be Christmas and the season of goodwill!