Actually when it continues the saga i’ve already had so far this month then yes there bloody is!

I try to avoid making New Year’s resolutions but Christmas consumerism condensed my hatred of shopping into thoughts of action and I’ve decided to do a monthly basics (loo rolls, dog food, tins and pasta etc) shop online so it gets delivered. If I run out I’ll try to do without unless they sell it at my little post office-cum-newsagents which sells a few grocery staples.

Then every week I’ll get an organic box delivered - i’ve discovered a very ethical farm who does this less than a mile from me - they also do organic free range eggs.

Finally i’m getting milk, in a glass bottle, delivered to my doorstep. Now this is a wonderful British tradition. Little milk floats chunkering down the streets and the sound of a cheerful whistle and the clink of bottles on the doorstep. I’m sure milk tastes better out of glass rather than plastic!

Mission will hopefully be accomplished as shops are avoided as much as possible, certainly the big stores.   I’m using local providers, which may be more expensive but I figure avoiding shops and trips to supermarkets to get things will save a fortune in getting sidetracked by special offers, hunger pangs etc.  I’ll also avoid the stress of coping with the huge choice of products, the heaving masses and  endless queues.

But today I’m not firing on all cylinders and still feel weak as a kitten with hopeless coordination. After phoning the milk company to find that they mistook my message and left my milk two doors down, I took Heek for a walk and picked up the 2 pints on my return, hoping that nobody thought I was stealing it.

I put it the milk on a window ledge while I tried to get the key in the door, grappling with the Heek who decided he wasnt’t ready to end his walk.

SMASH! A pinta falls over on the wall and smashes.  Milk pours onto the pavement.  Dog tries to start drinking it.  I grab dog away from glass and take him in and up to flat, find dusban, brush and newspaper go down to clear mess, realise finger is leaking blood, as milk starts turning pink.  I clear the glass, wrap and put it in the bin, go up, wrap my bleeding finger in tissue and get a bowl of water to slosh onto the milky mess.

SMASH! I don’t believe it. I rush down to find bottle two has fallen to ground. Go up get dustban brush repeat first series of actions.

Why didn’t I move second bottle to ground? I DON’T KNOW!

I took my temperature with one of those feverscan strips which you put on the forehead. I am so cold and clammy it registered no temperature at all, even though I gave it double time. Fortunately I still have a pulse or I’d be seriously worried!

The washing machine broke down on the 3^rd. It didn’t just stop it shrieked, rattled, sounded like shattering glass and then bilged smoke, setting off the fire alarm. The dog’s howling added to the general pandemonium.

I got flu on the 4^th.

After a wretched night I awoke to find one of the Heek’s Christmas treat bones had seriously disagreed with him and he had deposited piles of puke at intervals in the hall and lounge, including the couch. Trying to clear this with a raging temperature, a rattling chest, throbbing head and dizziness took most of the morning. Then I collapsed and spent two days in bed.

I have been TRYING to dispute a completely OTT parking fine with Brighton Borough Council for being 12 minutes overdue after my parking ticket expired. In the process of trying to reason with robots, and the grounds for appeal not allowing for human error (such as mislaying my car, which is how it happened) the penalty for not paying without delay (even though I was trying to  fight it)  increased the fine to £60 and then to £90. Despite being determined to fight to the death, as penalising people for protesting seems completely immoral I finally gave in, in a sickness fuelled depressed moment and threats of bailiffs etc. Now I hate myself for being feeble and so want revenge!

I was due to start a new job on the 7^th, but due to said flu and barely being able to cross a room without passing out I might have to postpone it.

I’m not normally superstitious or fearful, but all this in the first week? The January blues, you don’t get them, January gives them to you.