This takes place in Hastings over the weekend and is alot of fun and a typically English ceremony.

‘Jack’ is paraded through the town before being ceremoniously slain to release the spirit of summer (yay!)

Festivities include Morris dancers, live music, lots of beer and a party atmosphere.

Well worth going if you are in the vicinity.

It’s snowing hard outside. A bit unseasonal but snow is always magical especially now it is falling down on the blossom trees and primroses.

We have it so rarely that everyone feels a tad excited about it, without wanting to admit it.

We quite like disrupted trafffic, being unable to get into work and schools closing and would not want to be so used to it that everything continued as normal.

It’s a great excuse to have a good moan about something we are actually enjoying and when it stops and the fallen snow turns to slush we wish it would last longer while telling each other ‘thank goodness we can get back to normal.’

Easter Day and lovely old churches nationwide will have treble or more congregation than they get for the rest of the year apart from Christmas.

Everyone will enjoy traditional Easter hymns and the story of Jesus rising from the tomb. Then they’ll go home to their huge roast and the meaning and the story will be forgotten.

But why do people turn up to church at Easter? If they are atheists, then why would they? If they are not sure then is it to lay some kind of claim on Christianity, just in case it all turns out to be true? If they do believe then are they too lazy to get up more than once or twice a year?

On the other hand, churches are heaving with those who go for the social interraction, to have a role to play, to make themselves feel good and other reasons which have nothing to do with believing the gospel message.

Still, Tesco is closed on Easter Day so maybe that explains the rise in church numbers.

Prepare ye for a perilous, wearisome journey with battling drivers, as everyone ‘gets away’ for a break and then ‘goes home’ a couple of days later, exhausted after planning, packing, travelling and cramming in days out - only to find they are mingling with hoards of others who had the same idea.

Prepare ye also for the supermarket store where shelves will be stripped by those preparing for the four day seige, queues will stretch endlessly, and the last of the cheap Easter Eggs will be bought up by the person in front of you, leaving you with a choice of little cream eggs or the most expensive costing quadruple the amount you planned to spend.

Prepare ye also for an Easter meal of happy families, long walks, board games, boring television programmes, squabbles and too much chocolate.

Prepare ye to return to work, shattered.

I have not had much time to start writing a pantomime but I have started plotting it.

I’m still going with The Emperor’s New Clothes even though it may take a little longer to find a lead actor. This would be easier for a professional company but I’m not sure if I can think of any men in our company, willing to spend a good part of a performance night in lary boxers.

We do advertise the auditions, so it may bring some more talent into the company.

I may write it and find that the group don’t vote to put it on this year. We are very democratic and have a pitching night where anyone in the company can come to pitch plays for the group to vote on. However I’m sure we’ll put it on within the next couple of years.

Anyway, the basic plot is the good hearted Emperor with a major fault, vanity. He has an evil brother who wants to discredit him and become Emperor in his place. He hatches a plot with two rogues who pose as weavers and weave the magical and invisible cloth. They put the two current weavers/seamstresses ‘widow’ and ‘woe’s’ noses out of joint by taking their place in weaving the latest suit for the latest parade. The emperor is widowed but has a daughter, and she is the only one who admits that she cannot see the cloth. A visiting artist, due to paint the emperor in all his glory is her love interest, but they fall out because he pretends (like all the rest) that he can see it. The ending will be that the Emperor looks a fool on the parade, but the people love him and so forgive him, something his evil brother did not count on. The evil brother is banished - with his love interest and the emperor also finds love and happiness as does his daughter. There will be a fair bit of comedy including a character called ‘Special FX’ as its only a small theatre with a tiny budget so we’ll have to be quite creative with or special effects.

Watch this space for more as I firm up the plot and post excerpts from the panto…if I get it done that is!!

The day to day irritations that don’t ruin our lives but raise our blood pressure and our hackles and add to the quota of moans and grumbles circulating in daily conversation.

Council tax.

Road works

Speed Cameras

Petrol Prices (also gas and electric)

British Telecom

Vandalism

Builders

Waiting in for tradesmen or deliveries

Late trains or buses

Litter

Nosy neighbours

Noisy neighbours

Charity tin rattlers

Junk mail

Telephone marketing

Call centres

Binge drinkers

Late post

Un-gritted roads

MP’s

Shops and stores (as usual) use every marketing ploy to play on our guilt strings to ensure we can’t walk past chocolates, flowers, perfume and treats without buying something, or for those with a stronger will, making a mental note of the date and a vow to get something decent - which we may forget - resulting in a last minute dash to said shops and stores.

Every pub that serves food is booked up because most offer a Mother’s Day menu. Unfortunately these set ‘Mother’s Day’ menus cost more than double the charge of a normal pub lunch. Who can say no when Mum is sitting there awaiting her treat?

Children have always made a card, a paper flower in a pot or a little box with a sweet at school, and bear the little hotch potch of glue, tissue and cardboard with enough pride to win the Olympics.

Children also provide breakfast in bed which ranges from cereal floating in a pint of milk with burnt toast and a pile of marmalade, to egg so scrambled it’s plastic on slightly hard toast, both with very hot sweet tea. This is accompanied by home made cards oozing glue and love.

Mum’s with babies or toddlers get a large shiny card and a pressie from the tot, bought by hubby or partner who looks gleeful and childlike as they present it together.

Mothers day, imported and not originally British, may be commercial and cheesy but it does bring out true love and thankfullness and the chance to ponder on the goodness of one’s mother.

Leap year folk get one birthday every four years, which means that when they reach 100 they will only be 25.

It means that although they celebrate their birthday on 28th February or 1st March for the three years, and whatever  fun and partying takes place, it never feels completely authentic. But when the 29th comes round the celebrations accompany the feeling that the real birthday has arrived at last.

Be a female leap year baby and you have a major celebration and can propose if you feel inclined, although quite why a woman should only feel able to propose once every four years in this age of equality is beyond me.

However because leap year birthdays are rare, those lucky enough to be born on one get an ordinary birthday annually, and a supreme birthday every four years, with double celebrations and presents.

I know because I am one and it’s great!

There aren’t many of these around but whenever I spot them I can’t understand why BT decided to replace them with horrible grey and beige efforts.

The red ones are mostly in quaint village locations and always look cheerful and homely. In the days when we didn’t have mobiles you can imagine how welcome a sight they were. Travellers whose car had broken down, walking through dark lanes, a little elderly lady without a phone, having her weekly chat with her sister, a child with friends, giggling as they ask if they can stay to tea.

Fortunately the post office have retained red post boxes. Long may they continue.

The only thing I can’t understand is why they chose to make dog poo bins the same colour

Cards, cheesy presents, underwear, bouquets, chocolates and red hearts everywhere. It’s supposed to generate love and romance but actually generates far more in profit.

True romantic gestures can’t be purchased because they are either impulsive gestures straight from the heart, or carefully thought out plans that take time and effort – a surprise candlelit meal, a handful of wildflowers, a proposal in moonlight, a man’s coat draped over his partners chilly shoulders, fish and chips on the beach in the rain.

This video takes a while to load but has all you could want to know about the history of Valentines Day.