The potato has just been declared the safest food in Britain by food intolerance experts, YorkTest.com, who compiled a list of foods which cause the fewest allergic reactions,

The good old spud, which has been with us since the mid 1500’s has most of the vitamins we need for sustenance and can provide this for about 10 people on just one acre. The Irish potato famine came about because they relied on it so much, but it proved vital during the Second World War when we were encouraged to eat potatoes in place of bread.

What would we do without the humble spud, boiled, mashed, chipped, roast and part of the main meal of the day for many years (in fact it still is for many?)

While writing this I have just discovered a potato fan club - did anyone else know there was such a thing?

Also, 2008 is the International Day of the Potato and we are holding our own British Potato Day on Februay 3rd. Incredible. I’ve got to research what we do on the day, apart from eating potatoes, which we do daily anyway!

I think I’ll post some ideas on the 3rd in case anyone wants to join the celebrations.

This evening is the great tradition of Burns night where Scottish people unite to honour their greatest poet. Robert Burns was born on January 25th 1759 and died at the age of 37. A group of his friends started to gather on the anniversary of his death and the first Burns Clubs originated in the early 1800s.

His poetry captured the British imagination so that Burns night is not just confined to Scotland. It takes a creative and funny genius that can write beautiful poetry about love, life and haggis.

All around the country men will dress in kilts and women in evening dress to watch the haggis carried on a salver. A piper marches ahead, playing the bagpipes while a waiter brings a bottle of whisky and glasses for the chef and the piper.

The ‘Address to the Haggis, ’ Burns famous poem is read, and then the haggis is cut, to be served with swede, (neaps) and potato, (tatties.)

This is followed by a toast to Burns and some less formal toasts and ends with ‘Auld Lang Syne,’ (also by Burns) which is often sung as the clock strikes twelve on New Years Eve.

Who but the Brits could hold an evening of pomp and ceremony mingled with pipers, and poems to food with such comic seriousness? It is a wonderful tradition and a great shame that Burns never got to enjoy it himself.

With regard to this, it is the month, and not the country.  January everwhere is dreary whether it’s hot dry and dreary,  windy, wintery and dreary, blisteringly, baking and dreary, or snowy, freezing and dreary.  I know we are cold wet and dreary but hey, we brighten it all up with pantomimes which is more than can be said for anywhere else!

Wishing you all a very very happy Christmas, with oodles of all you wish for yourself:-

Relatives who like each other and don’t fall out on Christmas Day.

Children who wait until after six, to start shrieking in delight, unwrapping presents and thrusting their new singing dancing bear in bed with you.

A turkey that defrosts and cooks in time.

At least a couple of programmes that you really want to watch, get to watch in peace, and which turn out to be as good as the the TV magazine promised.

No monstrous creations you have to wear on the day such as an outsize knitted patchwork jumper from your ancient gran because it may be the last thing she knits and the last Christmas she has the pleasure of seeing it worn.

Presents you really want; food or booze if relatives can’t run to the latest laptop, a giant flat screen tv or a holiday to the Seychelles.

Being allowed to snooze after the meal rather than being forced join a jolly, embarrasing Christmas walk with all your strange relatives through the streets where everyone knows you.

Nooky at some point (but not when relatives are likely to stagger in shouting ‘let’s play charades!’)

Superstores are heaving with people stocking up for a six month siege. They are only closed for one day.

People who don’t see each other from one year to the next send each other cards telling each other they are thinking of them despite the fact they will then ignore them for another year.

Some people get masses of cards and yet spend Christmas alone.

People who normally don’t come anywhere near you, suddenly want to kiss you.

Everyone gets excited about presents despite knowing that 80% will not be anything they would choose or use.

People secretly enjoy letting their hair down and showing their true colours at office parties, but then they go too far and end up doing something so embarrassing and humiliating it is the talk of the company until next time. But nobody learns from this because somebody does it all over again at the next one.

It is perfectly acceptable to start drinking at breakfast time and carry on all day despite the fact that at any other time anyone doing this would be considered to have a serious alcohol problem.

There is always a tinge of anticipation on pulling a cracker even when you are ninety and have heard every cheesy joke, worn every coloured hat and seen every silly present possible.

Artificial trees exist and people actually buy and decorate them as though they could possibly emulate the real thing.

People who don’t believe in God, go to church and worship Him and feel virtuous about it, even though they may as well be singing and praying to a brick .

I can understand how staff might feel silly being forced to dress up and get in the ‘festive mood’ by dressing as fairies, elves and Santas, especially if they don’t feel like entering into the spirit of things, (see sub-standard Santas) but if they act in a nasty unhelpful, unChristmassy mood that doesn’t suit their costume it brings everybody down, better they wear the usual ugly store uniform and be done with it.

A great video which I hope might serve as a gentle reminder to feed the birds in your garden as the temperature plummets, (and maybe as a deterrent to feeding gulls and pigeons!)

I went to the supermarket this morning and was shocked to find that there is a national food shortage.
Appearances are deceptive because the shelves, freezers and refrigerators seem to be heaving with delights especially created for the Christmas period, such as the ‘Extra Special’ ranges, birds within birds or liver pate with cranberry and orange.

Obviously they have been laden with the last of the food because hoards of people are squashed into every aisle, piling their trolleys up so that they survive the forthcoming famine.

People who currently roll in to the stores well insulated with extra flesh, against the winter frosts are stocking up to ensure that they will be one of the survivors.

Exactly when the stocks will run out, is slightly unclear but from the heaving rush of people it cannot be far away.

Not only are people stocking up with foods but they are elbowing others out of the way to grasp bargains that have ten pence knocked off.

Manic Christmas music is played continuously on an endless loop which is designed to calm people down but which in actual fact adds to the general panic.

Drivers who have filled their cars with provisions try to escape as fast as possible before they get waylaid and mugged by the starving. This is leading to frequent cases of car park rage.

Still it will soon be Christmas and the season of goodwill!

I went to the theatre recently, and everybody stood up for the National Anthem. They only played the first verse but here it is in full, together with the modern interpretation.

1. God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the Queen!
(YEAH WE HAVE A QUEEN. GOOD ON HER.)

2. O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
God save us all.

(DON’T LET THE BASTARDS GET TO HER)

3. Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign;
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice,
God save the Queen!
(GIVE HER LOTS OF DOSH, LET HER LIVE TILL SHE’S OLD
AND SHE’LL STICK UP FOR US ALL.)

4. Not in this land alone,
But be God’s mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world over.
(ANTI WAR SENTIMENT)

5. From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the Queen!
O’er her thine arm extend,
For Britain’s sake defend,
Our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!

(PICK ON ME, I’LL TELL THE QUEEN

AND SHE’LL GETCHA!)

6. Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the Queen!

(ERM…CAN WE WIN EVERYTHING,

AVOID FLOODS, AND BEAT THE SCOTTISH AT RUGBY

AND FOOTBALL AND TOSSING THE KABER?)

Thirty odd years ago everyone would stand proudly and bellow the verses lustily. Now some are surprised to hear it and to be expected to stand, and although everyone complied there was a sense of avoiding eye contact and feeling embarrassed. Despite the flaws in the Royal family we are incredibly fortunate to have our Queen and many won’t realise it until she has gone. She has given her all.