I went to the theatre recently, and everybody stood up for the National Anthem. They only played the first verse but here it is in full, together with the modern interpretation.

1. God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the Queen!
(YEAH WE HAVE A QUEEN. GOOD ON HER.)

2. O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
God save us all.

(DON’T LET THE BASTARDS GET TO HER)

3. Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign;
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice,
God save the Queen!
(GIVE HER LOTS OF DOSH, LET HER LIVE TILL SHE’S OLD
AND SHE’LL STICK UP FOR US ALL.)

4. Not in this land alone,
But be God’s mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world over.
(ANTI WAR SENTIMENT)

5. From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the Queen!
O’er her thine arm extend,
For Britain’s sake defend,
Our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!

(PICK ON ME, I’LL TELL THE QUEEN

AND SHE’LL GETCHA!)

6. Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the Queen!

(ERM…CAN WE WIN EVERYTHING,

AVOID FLOODS, AND BEAT THE SCOTTISH AT RUGBY

AND FOOTBALL AND TOSSING THE KABER?)

Thirty odd years ago everyone would stand proudly and bellow the verses lustily. Now some are surprised to hear it and to be expected to stand, and although everyone complied there was a sense of avoiding eye contact and feeling embarrassed. Despite the flaws in the Royal family we are incredibly fortunate to have our Queen and many won’t realise it until she has gone. She has given her all.

Children used to look forward to opening a window each day and trying to guess what was behind the window. Every picture was something to do with the Nativity story.

Gradually the pictures behind the window also started to show toys, sweets, decorations, Christmas pudding and other things we associate with Christmas.

Then chocolates appeared behind the windows so that children who have advent calenders with just pictures now feel deprived of the treats that their friends are enjoying daily. Even more luxurious are fabric wall hangings with a pocket for a gift.

What will be the advent calender of the future I wonder? Has somebody produced one with money behind each window, or maybe a lottery ticket or a cheque? Animated computer advents may offer holidays to Disneyland or Lapland for getting the ‘prize’ picture under a special date. Maybe life sized advents in town centres will have real Santa’s popping out to give a present, and interactive TV may have a different cartoon behind each window.

As childrens’ Christmas lists are fast becoming similar to wedding lists in the assumption that all demansds will be met, maybe future advent windows will come with a pencil and a blank space behind each window for children to write something they want behind it. Then they close it and give the whole thing back to parents/relatives on Christmas eve, ready for them to rush out to get all the little darlings ‘must haves.’

Before anyone says this is far fetched - so were chocolate treat advent calenders not so many years ago.

Attacks of this can come any time but especially when life seems gloomy and the theme topic like a mountainous heap of manure. Unfortunately our Government is humiliating, it is also winter and raining daily. The sky is white, the day grey, Christmas is shining plastically in every shop and has been for weeks and they have now added polly wolly Christmas music. Weeks of jollification stretch ahead, office parties, drunken dinners and ridiculous presents, with the continuing backdrop of a big brother nanny state that is losing the plot and showing signs of sheer lunacy on a daily basis. Oceans of money are being thrown away on quangos, expenses and stupid council brainwaves while hospitals can’t even keep the floors dust free. Sometimes there is so much to say it is exhausting.

The media are wondering why sex education is so inadequate in this country and why teenage pregnancies and STD’s are so high.

It boils down (like most things) to communication. Sex education starts early, usually about the age of ten, but assumptions are made about what children understand and comprehend.

For example I can remember adults muttering that the birds and the bees were to do with sex education but it was not until I was in my twenties that I understood the relevance. Boys used to call girls ‘birds’ so I thought that ‘bees’ were a slang name for them.

Children are taught to ‘use a condom because it will protect them’, but they are at the age of Harry Potter and other fables and adventures. They still believe that they might wake up one morning into an adventure whereby they leave home and go to face danger in the big wide world. It is understandable that they might think a condom is some kind of shield of protection which they can hold before them when enemies approach.

When they are told that a condom is worn, it is not always clear where, unless the mechanics of sex have been clearly explained beforehand.

Couple all this with our National reticence and shyness it is no wonder that sex education in this country needs a complete overhaul.

I think due to the problems with the Government that there is a sinister plan taking place whereby cats are taking over the country.

see Shhh, the Kittens are nappping http://littleredboat.co.uk/?p=2785.

I have noticed an incredible amount of usually well-balanced people suddenly developing an urge to get a cat (3 this week, 2 last week..)

Once they go ahead they either decide to get two, or they don’t get them spayed in time or get an already pregnant cat and end up with kittens which they don’t have the heart to re-home. I know 5 different families/individuals with between 3 and 7 cats. Now if everyone else knows one or two people with cats…they are infiltrating every home.

Bearing in mind the well-known saying that dogs have owners but cats have servants, it’s not computers but cats that will be running the country and most people won’t notice it happening because they’ll be so busy running around serving their cats. Still cats running the country will probably be an improvement!

http://www.fotosearch.com/UNN207/u15537375

While it is vital that those that are genuinely incapable of work receive the financial support they need; ‘the argument of the libertarian right against the welfare state is that it provides a massive disincentive to work’.  It is well documented that we are seen as country that offers ‘free money.’ However, it is easy to get into a cycle of depression so that when you have  been out to work for a while, you lose confidence, and the will to do find a job.  For those receiving job seekers allowance and those with disabilities and illnesses where they can do something, why not make the money conditional on doing voluntary work?   

Volunteers are needed in so many areas, that there will be a role to suit every taste, giving the claimant plenty of choice.   This would enable them to meet people, make friends and increase their skills while maintaining a role in society so that they would be more likely to find life fulfilling and enjoyable.  It also looks better on a CV to have done something rather than nothing. 

Some posts could have a bonus or commission payment attached which would increase motivation and add the reward factor!

Area Store Wet floor eradicators.  Why do so many stores leave the wet floor and put these signs in place.  They need somebody on call with a walky talky to dash from store to store and deal with the mess.

Charity shop laundering technician.  This will makes sure  the clothes are clean and sweet smelling so the stores lose their musty odour and sell more goods.

Bag police.   Their mission - to lurk in stores at every checkout muttering ‘do you really need that plastic bag?’

Fast Food Trash Busters.  To collect all the rubbish deposited in the street and return it to the original outlet, dumping it in the middle of the floor when they are open, or posting it through the door or piling it up outside when closed.

Okay, joke!  But there are many vital and interesting roles:- giving carers respite, youth work, hospital radio, conservation, advice, support for the elderly, helping in schools……etc.

Apart from money rewards for extra work could be to get on a top priority list to be selected for TV talk or quiz shows, or even (if they must) reality TV.

Saw this post and thought of some more.

‘Let’s not discuss the weather.’

‘No, I don’t drink tea.’

‘I love children.’

‘I hate animals.’

‘Isn’t Gordon Brown the best Prime Minister ever.’

,Isn’t life wonderful.’

I watched ‘Trinny and Susannah Undress the Nation,’ the other day. They were looking at the female body shape and identified 12 types; including lollipop and brick. They carted one hundred women to the Long Man at Wilmington. The Long Man is a giant male figure cut in chalk on Windover Hill, in East Sussex. There are many theories around his/its existence. Some believe he was a war god, some an ancient fertility symbol, while others a religious figure. Some think that he did originally have his full manhood but the prudish Victorians disposed of it.

The women, dressed in white boiler suits, lay head to foot along the lines of the Long Man and altered his body shape, adding pigtails, breasts and hips, and moving to demonstrate different female body types.

It turned into a typically British farce when twenty-two pagans gathered to protest during filming, because they believe that the site is sacred.

The group formed a circle and chanted, and the eerie wailing could be heard in the background while the cameras rolled - hilarious. It was like the mystics from the old 80’s film Dark Crystal. Even funnier was when Trinny gave one of the druids some fashion advice – to wear a wider belt with his robe.

This weekend’s apple festivals are giving us loads of reasons appreciate apples.

Unlike supermarket apples, those from festivals farmer’s markets have not been tested by the roundness inspector and cloned so they all look identical.

Children who say ‘I don’t like apples.’ Can be answered with, ‘No dear you just don’t like Cox’s Orange Pippin, try a Braeburn this time….’ There are so many varieties this can continue until they are adults.

Traditionally ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ because they are healthy and fat free, provided you don’t put them in pies or make them into cakes, puddings, cider or wine.

Student’s like to give one to their teacher as a present, although this may be a subconscious wish to poison their them, (remember the wicked queen in Snow White.)

Apple foods make good comfort foods. Apple pie, apple strudel, apple sauce, apple dumplings. They put everyone in mind of a rosy faced granny… the original Granny Smith.

Adults fondly remember scrumping apples from orchards. It seemed a shame not to help yourself to free food hanging on branches. Nowadays it would have to be alcopops or i-pods to get kids interested.

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